If you read my very first blog post (go ahead, I’ll wait…) you’d know that I had been seeking out ways to leave my regular desk job and work from home. While I have not found new ways of making money, I have left my regular desk job. My health has gotten the better of me and the hubs and I have decided it would be best if I stay at home. I wasn’t making it into work most days as it was.
It’s been about 6 weeks since I left my job and I’ve had time to really slow down and think – about my health, about my husband, about my home, about my children, think about so many other things that I just never gave any time to because I really felt as though I didn’t have the time to give.
I felt constantly ‘on’ at work and so I ‘turned off’ when I got home. Of course, there were so many times when I wouldn’t get to turn off – when the kids would have a concert or recital, when there was rehearsal for the high school or summer musical. I am so thankful those activities and opportunities were there for us, but it all began to take its toll on me. I had to drop out of a show I was in, something that still stings a LOT.
I also barely made it into work. On the days that I could make it to work, it was a crapshoot as to whether I would last through the day. People would stare. People who I THOUGHT were my friends stopped talking to me. I had a few folks in my corner, but most avoided me like the plague. My stomach would be in knots just walking into the place.
It was hard when I started slipping in my work. It was hard when I finally asked my boss to change my position because I felt so guilty for screwing over my coworker. She and I worked the front desk in a busy doctor’s office. If I didn’t make it in, she had to try and muddle through on her own with little to no backup. I couldn’t keep letting that happen, but I could work on the admin end of things for her from a desk in the back while they trained someone for the front. It even became hard trying to keep up with admin end of things, but I did my best because, if I wasn’t able to be at the front desk for her, I at least wanted to try and lighten her workload in any way I could. I felt like I abandoned her, and still do.
However, I was vomiting at work…a lot, all the while knowing that people could HEAR me. I had the unpleasant experiences of vomiting on myself and pissing in my pants(from vomiting) at work. I had people watching every little thing I put into my mouth, sometimes even asking me ‘Should you be eating that?’ I stopped going into the lunch room in the last 3 or 4 months. Being there was making me sicker.
Now I am a homemaker and I think I may have finally found what I want to do when I grow up. Taking care of my home, my husband and family has been so rewarding in just this short amount of time. It has its ups and downs, but I get a deep satisfaction from doing it. As for my health, it has improved since I’ve been home. I’m not vomiting near as often as I was, for which I am truly thankful.
Can life really be this simple?