The Joy of Peeing Your Pants

 

 

weak_bladder_large

Women of a certain age know the frustration of having a weak bladder.

If you’ve had a child, you understand the need to cross your legs every time you sneeze. Coughing, laughing and even running can all be precarious activities in the incontinence department.

sneezepee

Now try vomiting.

I have gastroparesis, a paralyzed stomach, which causes frequent vomiting. I also have the aforementioned weak bladder. The two make an almost comical combination.

At the beginning, I would hug the porcelain throne with a towel between my legs to catch the gush that came with every heave. Then I got sick at work. There was NO WAY I was going to put my face anywhere NEAR those toilets, so I chanced it and stood as I puked.

standandpuke

I DIDN’T PEE MYSELF!

Suh-weet! Now I had an ace in the hole to control the towel shortage in my home.

This worked for quite some time.

Until one day it didn’t.

I was at work and got sick. Maybe it was the force behind the heaving, but to my horror, I felt a gush.

standuppee

NO!  NOT HERE!

I was trying to so hard to stick it out at work, regardless of the vomiting, but my bladder had other plans. My bladder was apparently ready to go home.  Can I use my bladder’s PTO, please?

Now sometimes standing works, but mostly it doesn’t.

Is it time for diapers?  Am I really at that point? I thought for sure I would be changing my grandchildren’s diapers before having to change my own.

changediaper

I suppose life just couldn’t be that simple, could it?